07-26-2021, 04:30 PM
Satire...via The Babylon Bee
July 26th, 2021
U.S.—To defeat the massive, scary, definitely world-ending wave of COVID being driven by the delta variant of the deadly, frightening disease you should remain afraid of for the rest of your life, experts are recommending we try all the things that didn't work the first time.
From wearing masks and social distancing to locking everyone down and destroying the economy, experts are all suggesting that we just try the same things we did last time that didn't work at all.
"We are going to lock down, wear masks, and social distance, all of which didn't work, but hey. It's worth trying again," said Dr. Anthony Fauci in a television interview this morning. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That's what they taught us in science school. Look at my lab coat. It's white. Do you like it? It has pockets."
The television anchor then assured Dr. Fauci that his pockets were very nice.
"Thanks. I also have the heartbeat thingy. I like to breathe on it to warm it up. Makes me look official and doctory and whatnot."
At publishing time, experts had clarified that while we're going to be doing the same things that didn't work over and over again, we're going to be doing them harder this time.
To Defeat Delta Variant, Experts Recommend Doing All The Things That Didn't Work The First Time
![[Image: article-9125-1.jpg]](https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-9125-1.jpg)
July 26th, 2021
U.S.—To defeat the massive, scary, definitely world-ending wave of COVID being driven by the delta variant of the deadly, frightening disease you should remain afraid of for the rest of your life, experts are recommending we try all the things that didn't work the first time.
From wearing masks and social distancing to locking everyone down and destroying the economy, experts are all suggesting that we just try the same things we did last time that didn't work at all.
"We are going to lock down, wear masks, and social distance, all of which didn't work, but hey. It's worth trying again," said Dr. Anthony Fauci in a television interview this morning. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. That's what they taught us in science school. Look at my lab coat. It's white. Do you like it? It has pockets."
The television anchor then assured Dr. Fauci that his pockets were very nice.
"Thanks. I also have the heartbeat thingy. I like to breathe on it to warm it up. Makes me look official and doctory and whatnot."
At publishing time, experts had clarified that while we're going to be doing the same things that didn't work over and over again, we're going to be doing them harder this time.
"So let us be confident, let us not be unprepared, let us not be outflanked, let us be wise, vigilant, fighting against those who are trying to tear the faith out of our souls and morality out of our hearts, so that we may remain Catholics, remain united to the Blessed Virgin Mary, remain united to the Roman Catholic Church, remain faithful children of the Church."- Abp. Lefebvre