Divine Intimacy: Meditations on the Interior Life for Everyday of the Year

[Stone]

154. THE GOOD SHEPHERD

SECOND SUNDAY AFTER EASTER

PRESENCE OF GOD - I come to You, O Jesus, my Good Shepherd; lead me to the pastures of eternal life.


MEDITATION

1. The liturgy today sums up in the gentle figure of the Good Shepherd all that Jesus has done for our souls.

The shepherd is everything to his flock; their life, their sustenance, and their care is entirely in his hands, and if the shepherd is good, they will have nothing to fear under his protection, and they will want for nothing.

Jesus is preeminently the Good Shepherd: He not only loves, feeds, and guards His sheep, but He also gives them life at the cost of His own. In the mystery of the Incarnation, the Son of God comes to earth in search of men who, like stray sheep, have wandered away from the sheepfold and have become lost in the dark valley of sin. He comes as a most loving Shepherd who, in order to take better care of His flock, is not afraid to share their lot. Today’s Epistle (1 Pt 2,21-25) shows Him to us as He takes our sins upon Himself that He may heal us by His Passion: “Who His own self bore our sins in His Body upon the tree that we, being dead to sin, should live to justice; by whose stripes you were healed. For you were as sheep going astray; but you are now converted to the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls” (1 Pt 2,24-25). Jesus said, “ I am the Good Shepherd, and I give my life for my sheep ” and in the Office for Paschal time, the Church chants many times: “ The Good Shepherd is risen, He who gave His life for His sheep and who died for His flock.” What could be a better synthesis of the whole work of the Redemption? It seems still more wonderful when we hear Jesus declare: “I am come that they may have life and may have it more abundantly” (Jn 10,10). In truth, He could well repeat to each one of us: “What more could I have done for you that I have not done?” (cf. Is 5,4). Oh, would that our generosity in giving ourselves to Him had no limits, after the pattern of His own liberality in giving Himself to us!


2. Again Jesus said: “I know Mine, and Mine know Me, even as the Father knows Me and I know the Father” (Gosp: Jn 10,11.16). Although there is no question here of equality, but merely that of a simple comparison, it is nevertheless very consoling and glorious for us to see how Jesus likes to compare His relations with us to those He has with His Father. At the Last Supper also, He said: “As the Father hath loved Me, I also have loved you,” and again: “as Thou, Father, in Me, and I in Thee; that they also may be one in Us” (Jn 15,9-17,21). This shows that between us, the sheep, and Jesus, our Shepherd, there is not only a relation of acquaintance, but also one of love, and better still, of a communion of life, similar to that which exists between the Son and the Father. It is by means of the grace, faith and charity, which the Good Shepherd acquired for us by His death, that we arrive at such intimacy with our God—so deep that it makes us share in His own divine life.

A close relationship of loving knowledge is here established between the Good Shepherd and His sheep—one so intimate that the Shepherd knows His sheep one by one and can call them by name; and they recognize His voice and follow Him with docility. Each soul can say: “Jesus knows me and loves me, not in a general abstract way, but in the concrete aspect of my needs, of my desires, and of my life; for Him to know me and to love me is to do me good, to encompass me more and more with His grace, and to sanctify me.

Precisely because He loves me, Jesus calls me by name: He calls me when in prayer He opens to me new horizons of the spiritual life, or when He enables me to know my faults and weaknesses better; He calls me when He reprimands me or purifies me by aridity, as well as when He consoles and encourages me by filling me with new fervor; He calls me when He makes me feel the need of greater generosity, and when He asks me for sacrifices or gives me joys, and still more, when He awakens in me a deeper love for Him. Hearing His call, my attitude should be that of a loving little sheep who recognizes the voice of its Shepherd and follows Him always.


COLLOQUY

“O Lord, You are my Shepherd, I shall not want; You make me lie down in green pastures, You lead me to the water of refreshment, You convert my soul and lead me on the paths of justice. Even though I walk in the ravines, in the dark valleys, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff are my comfort. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup runs over” (cf. Ps 22). O Lord, my Good Shepherd, what more could You have done for me that You have not done? What could You have given to me that You have not given? You willed to be my food and drink. What more delightful and salutary, nourishing and strengthening pasture could You have found than Your own Body and Blood?

“O good Lord Jesus Christ, my sweet Shepherd, what return shall I make to You for all that You have given me? What shall I give You in exchange for Your gift of Yourself tome? Even if I could give myself to You a thousand times, it would still be nothing, since I am nothing in comparison with You. You, so great, have loved me so much and so gratuitously, I who am so small, so wicked and ungrateful! I know, O Lord, that Your love tends toward the immense, the infinite, because You are immense and infinite. Please tell me, O Lord, how I ought to love You.

“My love, O Lord, is not gratuitous, it is owed to You.... Although I cannot love You as much as I should, You accept my weak love. I can love You more when You condescend to increase my virtue, but I can never give You what You deserve. Give me then, Your most ardent love by which, with Your grace, I shall love You, please You, serve You, and fulfill Your commands. May I never be separated from You, either in time or in eternity, but abide, united to You in love, forever and ever ” (Ven. R. Jourdain).



155. ARIDITY AND PROGRESS


PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, help me to seek for You and to unite myself to You, even through the aridity and powerlessness of my spirit.


MEDITATION

1. Even without the presence of the physical or moral causes which we have mentioned before, it is possible to pass from a state of sensible fervor to one of absolute aridity. This happens by the direct work of God which makes it impossible for the soul to pray with the help of the imagination, or to practice acts of sensible love as before. The fact is that, whereas meditation or affectionate converse with God was formerly made with ease and comfort, the soul now finds it impossible to connect two ideas. Thoughts or reading which once moved the soul now leave it indifferent—the heart remains cold and hard as a stone. Even though watching over itself carefully in order to be faithful in mortification and generosity; even though intensifying its preparation for prayer and fervently beseeching the Lord for help, it no longer succeeds in wringing one drop of devotion from its heart. Then the poor soul worries and is afraid, thinking that the Lord has abandoned it because of some fault or other. What she does not realize is that this kind of aridity conceals a great grace—the grace of purification and of progress in the ways of prayer. In fact, by means of aridity, the Lord intends to free it from childish feelings and to raise it to the purer, firmer level of the will.

When it was experiencing so much comfort in prayer, the soul, unknown to itself, was becoming somewhat attached to these sensible consolations. Hence it loved and sought prayer not purely for God, but also a little for itself. Now, deprived of all attraction for prayer, the soul will henceforth learn to apply itself to it solely to give pleasure to the Lord. Furthermore, finding no help in beautiful thoughts and sweet
emotions, it will learn to walk by strength of will alone, exercising itself in acts of faith and love which, it is true, are wholly arid, but are all the more meritorious because they are more voluntary. In this way, its love for God will become purer, because it is more disinterested; and stronger, because it is more voluntary.


2. Through aridity, the soul also makes progress in humility. The inability to meditate, to fix its attention, to awaken good sentiments in its heart—all these convince the soul more and more of its nothingness. This state makes it realize, without effort or reasoning, that, apart from God’s help, it can really do nothing. Thus, little by little, that high opinion of self, that feeling of confidence in its own strength, which had more or less secretly insinuated itself into the soul when all was easy and pleasant in prayer, now vanishes.

At the same time, seeing how poor and wretched it is in the presence of God, there is born in the soul a feeling of more profound respect and greater reverence before the infinite majesty of God. When it could speak heart to heart with Him in prayer, the soul may have forgotten somewhat the infinite distance which always separates God from His creature. It is true that God wants us to act toward Him with great confidence and He invites us in thousands of ways to His intimacy; however, He always remains the inaccessible one, and we, nothingness and misery. It is very precious, this feeling of greater reverence which ripens in the soul through the experience of its own nothingness, and which always, even in moments of the greatest loving intimacy, will permit it to approach God with true humility of heart.

If, therefore, during the time of prayer we can do nothing but humble ourselves before God, by recognizing our own nothingness and showing Him our impotence, our incapacity, yes, even offering God this very nothingness in adoration of His infinite majesty, we will have made very good use of our time. Certainly, in this state of aridity, especially when suffering greatly from distractions, we will often feel that we have done nothing during prayer. Let us not be disturbed, however, because as St. Peter of Alcantara says: “He who does the little he can, does much before God. It is not difficult to persevere in prayer when we find consolation in it, but there is great merit in doing so when sensible devotion is reduced to a minimum. Yet it is precisely then that prayer becomes more meritorious and humility is increased, as well as patience and perseverance.”


COLLOQUY

“O Lord, blessed be Your Name forever, because You willed me to suffer this tribulation. I cannot escape it, so I have recourse to You, that You may help me to profit by it. O Lord, I am deeply afflicted, my heart can find no rest, and it suffers much on account of this hard trial. What can I say to You, O beloved Father? I am in anguish; Lord, save me! This happens to me in order to glorify You by my very humiliation, but later, You will deliver me. May it please You to deliver me, O Lord, for alone and wretched, what can I do or where can I go without You?

“Give me once more the grace of patience! Help me, O God, and I shall fear nothing, even if the burden is heavy. And now, what shall I say in all these misfortunes? Lord, Your will be done. I well deserve the tribulation which is crushing me. I must bear it. May I do so patiently, until the storm is past and calm reestablished” (Imit. IH, 29,1.2).

“O Lord, make my darkness serve to enlighten souls. I consent, if such is Your will, to continue walking all my life in the darkness of faith, provided that one day I arrive at the goal of the mountain of love.

“I am very happy to have no consolation, for thus my love is not like that of the world’s brides who are always looking at their bridegroom’s hands to see if they bear a gift, or at his face in the hope of glimpsing a smile of love to enchant them.... O Jesus, I want to love You for Yourself alone.... I do not desire love that I feel, but only love that You feel” (T.C.J. L, 51,90,93,89).

156. ENERGETIC RESOLVE

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, make me persevere in seeking You and in serving You, in spite of all the difficulties which I may encounter.


MEDITATION

1. St. Teresa says that anyone who wishes to give himself to prayer with profit must make “an earnest and most determined resolve not to halt” on the way he has chosen. This means that we must give ourselves to prayer, not for a stated time only, but at all times, every day, all our life; let us not be dissuaded from prayer for any reason whatsoever. “Come what may, happen what will, let those complain who will, tire yourself as you must, but even if you die half- way along the road...tend always toward the goal” (Way, 21). Let us ever remember that this goal is the living water promised by Jesus to those who sincerely thirst for Him and His love.

Without a strong, determined resolve, the soul will too often find more or less plausible reasons for neglecting prayer. Sometimes aridity will make the soul think that it is a waste of time to devote itself to an exercise from which it seems to draw no fruit, and that it would be better to use this time in good works. Sometimes, too, our numerous employments will seem to justify this idea. At other times, the feeling of our wretchedness—especially when we consider our want of fidelity to grace—will make us think ourselves unworthy of divine intimacy and that, therefore, it is useless to persevere in prayer. It should be evident that all these pretexts are suggestions of the enemy who, sometimes under the pretext of zeal for exterior works, sometimes under that of false humility or of waste of time, does all he can to draw souls away from prayer. “No temptation,” declares St. Teresa, “is more serious” than this one, “and the devil does us the very greatest harm by it” (cf. Life, 7 — 8). Therefore, she insists: “One who has begun to make mental prayer must never give it up, in spite of the sins into which he may fall. Prayer is the means which will help him to rise. Without prayer, this would be more difficult. He should not allow himself to be deceived by the devil to abandon prayer under the pretext of humility” (ibid., 8).


2. Even if the soul has fallen into aridity through its own fault, it should not neglect prayer, but should persevere in it in spite of the violence it will have to do to itself and the strong repugnances which must be overcome. “ If that soul perseveres, notwithstanding the sins, temptations, and falls of a thousand kinds into which the devil leads it, the Lord, I am certain, will bring it to the harbor of salvation” (ibid.). Accept the torture of having to spend the time of prayer in complete aridity, and moreover, with the pain of feeling
yourself so unlike to God and so unworthy of Him in whose presence you are; accept the reproaches of your conscience for your infidelities, and offer them all to the Lord in expiation for your faults and omissions, and to obtain the grace to amend your life. Never weary of repeating with a sincere heart the prayer of the publican : “ Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner ” (Lk 18,13); and God, who loves those who humbly recognize their own wretchedness, will not fail to come to your aid. However, you must learn to wait patiently for
the time fixed by Him. St. Teresa of Jesus spent nearly eighteen years in such aridity. “Many times” says the Saint, “I would have gladly endured the most severe penances rather than try to recollect myself to make prayer. I needed to summon all my courage to force myself, so unbearable was the temptation of the devil to leave off prayer.” But, she concludes, “the Lord Himself helped me” (Life, 8). This was the reward of her fidelity.

The Saint has, therefore, all the authority which comes from experience, to insist that never, for any motive, should we give up prayer. And she strongly recommends it, saying: “Do not tarry on the way, but strive like strong men until you die in the attempt, for you are here for nothing else than to strive” (Way, 20). We can likewise apply the words of Jesus to prayer: “The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent bear it away” (Mt 11,12).


COLLOQUY

“O Lord, I know that in order that love be true and friendship lasting, equal conditions must exist between the two friends. I also know that there can be nothing wrong in You; while my nature, on the contrary, is vicious, sensual, and ungrateful... Hence I cannot love You as You deserve.

“O infinite goodness of my God! I see who You are and who I am, and seeing how different You are from me, the joy of the angels, I long to be wholly consumed in love for You! How true it is that You bear with those who permit You to be with them! How good a friend You are to them! How You lavish Your favors upon them and bear with them, and wait until their ways become more like Yours. You remember the time spent in loving You, and at the first sign of repentance, You forget all their offenses. This I know from experience, and I do not understand, O my Creator, why the whole world does not strive to draw near You in this intimate friendship. The wicked, who are not like You, ought to come so that You may make them good, allowing You to be with them, at least two hours each day, even though they are not with You but with a thousand cares and thoughts of the world, as I used to be. In exchange for the effort which it costs them to want to be in such good company (for You know that in the beginning they cannot do more, nor afterwards sometimes) You force the devils not to attack them, and make the devils every day less strong against them, and give these souls strength to conquer them. Yea, Life of all lives, You slay none of those who put their trust in You and desire You for their Friend ” (T.J. Life, 8).

O Lord, give me also that holy audacity which will make me always persevere in prayer, in spite of exterior and interior difficulties, aridities, weakness, and lack of correspondence with Your grace.... You will remedy all my ills.

157. ARIDITY AND CONTEMPLATION

PRESENCE OF GOD - Draw me to You, O Lord, by the road You choose and in any way You will; I ask only for grace to know how to follow You always.


MEDITATION


1. The aridity which comes from God not only has the advantage of making us go forward in virtue, but it also brings us to a higher form of prayer. St. John of the Cross teaches that it is by means of this kind of aridity that God calls souls to a simpler and more profound form of prayer which he terms “initial contemplation.” To distinguish this aridity from that which. is caused by other things, he gives three signs. The first sign is: “the soul finds no pleasure or consolation in the things of God, it also fails to find pleasure in anything created” (DN I, 9,2). This loss of delight in the things of God may occur, too, when aridity is caused by the soul’s own faults; but then it looks for human satisfactions, whereas in the former case, although it no longer experiences the joy of being with God, it does not return to creatures, but rather, remains firm in its decision to keep its heart detached from them. The second sign is that, in spite of aridity, “the memory is ordinarily centered upon God with painful care and solicitude, fearing that it is not serving God” (ibid., 3). In other words, the soul suffers from its spiritual insensibility, fearing that it does not love God and is not serving Him; and at the same time, it continues to seek Him with the anxiety of one who does not succeed in finding its treasure. The soul remains then always occupied with God, although in a negative, painful way, as if suffering because of the absence of a loved one. On the contrary, when the aridity is culpable, especially if it is caused by a state of habitual lukewarmness, the soul is not at all grieved about not loving God; it has become indifferent. The last sign consists in the fact that “ the soul can no longer meditate or reflect in the imaginative sphere of sense as it was wont, however much it may of itself endeavor to do so” (ibid., 8). The soul would like to meditate; it applies itself, tries as hard as possible, and still does not succeed. When this state continues—for if it lasted only a short time it might have arisen from special conditions, either physical or moral— although it may have days of greater or less intensity, it tends to invade the whole soul in such a way as to make meditation habitually impossible. This aridity then means a call from God to more profound prayer.


2. By plunging the soul into aridity, God wishes to elevate it, to make it pass from a too human and low way of treating with Him, to a higher and more supernatural way. In meditation the soul went to God through intellectual effort—an excellent method, but one that is necessarily limited and inadequate in bringing us to know God who, being infinite, immensely exceeds the capacity of our mind. Now when God puts aridity into the soul, He makes meditation impossible for her, and forces her, so to speak, to go to Him by another way.

According to St. John of the Cross, this road is the way of initial contemplation, which consists in the soul’s beginning to know God, no longer through the intellect alone, but by means of the experience of love. This experience will not give the soul any new ideas about God, but it will give the “sense” of His greatness. In fact, we have already seen that it is precisely in the midst of aridity that the torturing pain of no longer loving Our Lord, of not feeling this love any longer, is born in the soul. This feeling would not exist
if the soul had not acquired a profound sense of the greatness of God and of His worthiness to be loved. This realization is not the result of any reasoning on the part of the soul, but of its experience of love. In fact, although unaware of it, the soul now loves God much more than previously; the best proof of this is that great anxiety which torments it with the fear of not loving Him. See, then, that it is precisely through this painful experience of love, which consists in the preoccupation about not loving and serving its God, that there is born in the soul contemplative knowledge, that is, the “sense” of God. We speak here of a knowledge which for the moment brings no comfort to the soul, but which nevertheless is most precious because, far better than any meditation, it infuses into the soul the “sense” of the divinity and fills it more and more with love for this God, whose infinite lovableness it now perceives by intuition. These advantages are so precious that, in order to obtain them, the soul not only ought to accept courageously the aridity which God sends, but also should recognize in it one of the greatest benefits He can bestow.


COLLOQUY

“O Jesus, how burdensome and bitter is life when You hide Yourself from our love! What are You doing, my Friend? Do You not see my anguish and the weight which is crushing me? Where are You? Why do You not come to console me, since I have no friend but You?

"But if it pleases You to leave me in this state, help me to accept it for love of You. Make me love You enough to suffer for You whatever You choose—sorrow, aridity, anguish, or even, seeming coldness of heart. Ah! that is indeed a great love, to love You without feeling the sweetness of Your love.

“Many serve You, O Jesus, when You console them; but few are willing to keep You company when You sleep on the raging waters or suffer in the garden of agony. Who, then, will serve You for Yourself? Oh! grant that it may be I!

“The Gospel tells me, O divine Shepherd, that You leave the faithful sheep in the desert. What deep things that tells me!... You are sure of them, they cannot go astray now, for they are love’s captives; so You deprive them of Your visible presence to bring Your consolations to sinners; or even if You do meet them upon Mt. Thabor, it is only for a few moments. O Lord, do with me as You please. And if You seem to forget me, very well. You are free to, since I am no longer mine but Yours.... You will sooner weary of keeping me waiting than I of waiting for You” (cf. T.C.J. L, 32,73,144,121,81).

I ask only one thing, my God : in this aridity let my love increase, and grant that I may remain faithful to You at all cost. May I love You more by the reality of deeds as my love becomes less sensible. Grant that the less joy my love gives to me, the more glory it may give to You. And if, in order to increase in love, I need to suffer, blessed be this trial; since You strike me to teach me, You mortify me to cure me and to lead me to a higher life.

158. LOVING ATTENTION TO GOD

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, let Your presence be the light and strength of my soul, the aid and support of my prayer.


MEDITATION

1. If God invites the soul, by means of aridity, to a more simple and more profound form of prayer, it would be absurd to try to compel it to continue in meditation, which, moreover, it can no longer make. On the contrary, the soul ought to be encouraged to give up this form of prayer without scruple, and to apply itself to remaining calmly in the presence of God, attentive to Him by means of a simple glance of faith and love. It should stay there and keep Him company, glad to be with Him, even if it has no feeling of His presence. The soul will see that it is gradually becoming accustomed to this new way of prayer and will notice that it is in contact with God in a way which is substantially better than that which it formerly had.

The thought that it no longer knows how to love should not disturb the soul. Of course, it can no longer love as tenderly as before, when the mere thought of God’s love for it could arouse its feelings; however, the soul must remember that the supernatural love of charity is not sensible love, but a love of the will, which does not have to be felt. It consists solely in a decision of the will by which the soul gives God preference over all creatures and wills to consecrate itself entirely to His service. This in the real love which leads to the “sense of God.” Moreover, St. John of the Cross teaches that it is precisely in this period of obscure, initial contemplation, entered by way of the sufferings of purifying aridity, that there begins to develop in the soul what he calls infused passive love, that is, the love by which the soul goes to God, no longer merely by a decision of the will, but also by a secret drawing by God Himself. This explains why its love, although not felt at all, is in reality stronger than before; it urges the soul to give itself to God with increasingly strong resolve. It is God Himself who, drawing it secretly to Himself, awakens love in it. When during prayer the soul suffers because of its powerlessness and aridity, and fears that it does not love God, let it gently examine itself on this point, that is, try to find out if, in spite of all the difficulties met with, it remains firmly resolved to give itself wholly to God. To make this decision more concrete, the soul should apply it to the different circumstances of its life, particularly those which cost it most. Because it no longer feels any love, it is impelled to give God concrete proofs of love, that is, good works and the virtues, which are practiced to please Him.


2. Treating here of initial contemplation, we note that the soul should not be completely passive. There is always the need for a certain application on the soul’s part, which should consist in maintaining itself in the proper disposition for receiving ‘the divine action. This is the teaching of St. John of the Cross: “Let the soul learn how to be still in God, fixing its loving attention upon Him, in the calm of the understanding, although it may think it is doing nothing” (AS II, 15,5). In fact, if the soul will content itself with keeping in the presence of God by a look of faith and love, its loving attention will go to meet the loving knowledge which God Himself communicates to it. In this way “knowledge may be united with knowledge and love with love” (J.C. LF, 3,34), and the soul will draw the greatest fruit from its prayer.

However, this loving knowledge which God infuses is tenuous and delicate. It never comes by way of clear, distinct concepts, but consists in a general, obscure “sense” of God, who secretly enamours the soul, without the assistance of feeling. This is why the soul, especially at first, cannot understand; and as it has been accustomed to proceed by way of reasoning and sensible affections, it has the impression that it is no longer doing anything. So strong is this sentiment, that the soul would often like to return to meditation, in which it felt that it did something. But St. John of the Cross puts it on guard; in spite of all its efforts it would gain nothing, and would only succeed in disturbing God’s action within it. However, the Saint’s words should not lead us to believe that the soul no longer needs to make use of some good thought or a little meditation. A delicate, attentive soul will know when it is in the presence of God, even in aridity; and that awareness will suffice for its prayer. On the contrary, it will see when it is rambling uselessly and needs some good thought to recollect itself in God.


COLLOQUY

“O God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my sins. O my God, I shall cry day by day, and Thou wilt not hear: and by night, and it shall not be reputed as folly in me. But Thou dwellest in the holy place, the praise of Israel. In Thee have our Fathers hoped : they have hoped, and Thou hast delivered them. They cried to Thee, and they were saved: they trusted in Thee, and were not confounded. But I am a worm and no man.... I am poured out like water; and all my bones are scattered. My heart has become like wax melting.... My tongue hath cleaved to my jaws” (Ps 21,2-16). When I would sing Your praises, my voice stops in my throat. O Lord, I have scarcely enough courage to raise my eyes to You, and yet it is my great desire to love You. I should like to tell You that I love You, but I dare not, for my heart is like stone, cold and hard as marble. What shall I do, O Lord, in such aridity? I shall disclose my misery to You; I shall show You my nothingness, my weakness, my lack of power, and I shall say to You: Remember, O Lord, that I am wretchedness and You are Mercy, I, the patient and You, the Physician! O Lord, do not permit the sight of my nothingness to cast me down, but let it draw me to You in humility, confidence, reverence and abandonment! O Lord, let me know myself that I may know You! Let me know myself, that I may despise myself, and know You, that I may love and bless You eternally.

Although I am an arid and desolate land, and in my heart there is not one drop of devotion, yet I wish to remain here in Your presence, here, near You, to tell You that, in spite of everything, I desire and want nothing but You alone. “O Lord, when I feel nothing, when I am incapable of praying or practicing virtue, then is the moment to look for small occasions, nothings, to give You pleasure. For example, a smile, a friendly word, when I should much prefer to say nothing at all or look bored.... When I find no occasions, at least I want to keep telling You that I love You; it is not difficult and it keeps the fire of love going; even if that fire were to seem wholly out, I should throw little bits of straw on the ashes, little acts of virtue and of charity; and I am sure that, with Your help, the fire would be enkindled again” (T.G.J. L, 122).

159. PRACTICAL CONDUCT

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, may Your light always be my guide, so that I shall not go astray.


MEDITATION

1. During this period of transition from meditation to contemplation, it is very important for the soul to have a clear understanding of that “general, loving attention to God” mentioned by St. John of the Cross, in order to know how to act, and how to obtain from it the best fruit possible. In the Saint’s opinion this new form of prayer results from the exercise of the theological virtues, aided by the secret, delicate influence of the gifts of the Holy Spirit. In other words, on the part of the soul it is a question of an exercise of faith and love so intense and simplified that, without having recourse to the continual repetition of distinct acts, the soul finds itself in an attitude of loving attention to God. Far from being idle, the soul fixes its gaze on God precisely by means of this prolonged act of faith and love. But it is not alone in this exercise. The Holy Spirit comes to meet it, and by a secret actuation of His gifts, orientates and attracts it to God, infusing in it a loving knowledge of Him. In this way the soul can persevere for a long time in this truly contemplative attitude; and because it is helped by the Holy Spirit, it “will take pleasure in being alone and waiting with loving attentiveness upon God, in interior peace, quietness, and rest, without making any particular meditation” (J.C. AS IT, 13,4).

However, the influence of the gifts will not always be strong and pleasant enough to keep the soul peacefully occupied with God; often, especially at first, it will be weak and therefore the soul more arid. Generally in this the soul will not make steady progress; hence, in order to remain recollected in God, it will often have to use its own efforts. At this point, it will be very useful for the soul to apply itself principally to the occasional renewing of its acts of faith and love, simply because its part, in this kind of prayer, consists in an intense exercise of faith and of love.


2. In speaking of the passage from meditation to contemplation, St. John of the Cross remarks that it does not take place in the same manner in every soul, not only in the sense that it is not accomplished in all at an equal rate, but also because God does not call everyone to the contemplative state. In the Ascent of Mount Carmel (II, 13), he teaches that the soul should not give up meditation definitively until the habit of contemplation is formed; and referring to this, he remarks that many times the soul finds itself in contemplation from the very first moment of prayer, whereas at other times it needs to be helped in the beginning by meditation. He even expressly states: “As long as the soul can reason with pleasure in meditation, it should not stop doing so until it is in the peace and quiet. . .of loving attentiveness to God ” (AS II, 13,2-4). Here we find a period of fluctuation more or less prolonged between meditation and contemplation. Thus, there are some souls whom God never completely takes away from meditative prayer.

This makes us understand that our arrival at initial contemplation does not dispense us from personal activity. First of all, we should make a very careful preparation for prayer, using a book, if necessary; if we cannot then fix our attention on what has been read, at least the reading will have helped to recollect the mind in God. Likewise, we must always begin our prayer by putting ourselves wholly in the presence of God, and then proceed according to the grace of the moment, being grateful to God if He recollects us quite simply in Himself, and diligent in helping ourselves by reflection or by means of a book when we feel that our thoughts are beginning to wander. We must also remember that even when the soul has entered into a state of loving attentiveness to God, the imagination may still roam here and there; for as St. John of the Cross says: “Even at times of great recollection, it can still be a wanderer” (ibid. 13,3). This activity of the imagination is not always a sign that the soul should return to meditation. Instead, it should try to become recollected above and beyond its thoughts, and if it sees that it remains in union with God, even in aridity, let it persevere thus, although the effort will be greater than when it had recourse to the reading of a pious book.


COLLOQUY

“O God, my God, to Thee do I watch at break of day. For Thee my soul hath thirsted; for Thee my flesh, O how many ways! In a desert land, and where there is no way, and no water ” (Ps 62,2).

“Who will give me to rest in You? Who will make You enter my heart and inebriate it, so that I shall forget my misfortunes and embrace You, my only Good? What are You to me? In Your goodness, permit me to speak. What am I to You, that You enjoin me to love You, and are disturbed if I do not love You, and threaten me with all kinds of ills? If I do not love You, does that mean that I am slighting You? Poor creature that I am, tell me, in Your mercy, Lord, my God, tell me what You are to me? Say to my soul: ‘I am your salvation!’ Say it so that I shall hear it. The ear of my heart is turned toward You. Open it, O Lord, and say to my soul: ‘I am your salvation!’ I shall follow Your voice and adhere to You. Do not hide Your face from me....

“O Father, I do not know the road that will bring me to You. Show it to me; teach me the way. Give me whatever I need. If those who take refuge in You find You by faith, then give me faith; if they find You by virtue, give me virtue, and increase my faith and charity ” (St. Augustine).

Give me an immovable faith, O Lord, and an ardent charity! Faith and love are the guide-posts which will take me by unfamiliar paths to the place where You hide Yourself. Grant that I may walk in faith and love, and await in faith and love Your visit to my soul. O Holy Spirit, You pray within me “ with unspeakable groanings” (Rom 8,26); help my misery, illumine my faith and awaken charity in me. You penetrate “the depths of divine mysteries” (cf. 1 Cor 2,10) ; instruct me, be my teacher, help me to know my God. You who are the Spirit of Love, give me a loving knowledge of Him, so that I may always tend toward Him and be entirely captivated by love of Him.

160. THE LIFE OF PRAYER

PRESENCE OF GOD - O Lord, grant that I may seek You, not only at certain moments during the day, but also at every instant of my life.


MEDITATION

1. A soul who longs for a life of intimacy with God is not satisfied to limit its relations with Him to the time of prayer, but tries to extend them throughout the whole day. This is a rightful desire, for one who loves tries to prolong continuously his relations with the beloved. This is true, therefore, of a soul who loves God; and its desire is the more easily realized, since God Himself is always with us; He is always present and working in us. We are treating, it is true, of a presence which is spiritual and invisible; it is, however, real and not merely affective and moral, as is the presence of a loved one in the heart and mind of a lover.

If God is always with us, why can we not be always in continual contact with Him? This contact is realized by thought and love, but much more by the latter than by the former. In fact, it is impossible to be always thinking of God, partly because the mind becomes tired and partly because our many occupations demand all the application of our intellect, which cannot pay attention to two different things at the same time. The heart, on the other hand, can always love, even when the mind is busy elsewhere; and it never grows weary of tending toward the object of its love. Since supernatural love does not consist in sentiment, but in an intimate orientation of the will toward God, we know that this turning is possible, even during the performance of duties which absorb all our attention. The will can strengthen this orientation of itself toward God precisely by the desire to fulfill each duty for love of Him, to please Him and give glory to Him. St. Thomas says that the heart can always tend Godward by “ the desire of charity,” that is, by the desire to love Him, to serve Him, and to be united to Him in every action. “ Prayer is nothing but a desire of the heart; if your desire is continuous, your prayer is continuous. Do you wish never to cease praying? Then never cease desiring” (St. Augustine).


2. Since prayer does not consist in thinking much but in loving much, a life of continual prayer will consist much more in love than in thought. Nevertheless, a certain amount of mental activity is necessary, either to direct the heart toward God, or to maintain it in this direction.

The soul who applies itself well to mental prayer will easily be able to collect in itself some good thoughts which it can use during the day to keep its heart turned toward God. Therefore, it will be useful for the soul to try to recall these thoughts often in the midst of its occupations, and to apply them practically to its life.

Thus, for example, if during prayer, we have been considering God’s infinite mercy toward us, we shall strive to preserve this thought even during our occupations, recognizing many signs of this mercy in the various circumstances in which we find ourselves. In fact, many happenings which, from a purely human point of view, are unpleasant and painful, hide, in reality, great mercies of the Lord who, by means of the sorrows, fatigues, and the trials of life, wants to detach us from creatures, make us practice virtue, and advance in goodness. Likewise, in our dealings with our neighbor, we shall try to imitate God’s mercy. “Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful ” (Lk 6,36). Although our prayer was spent in aridity, without leaving us any definite thought, but only a deeper realization of our nothingness and the infinite greatness of God, we shall make a treasure of it by attempting during the day to fulfill our duties in a spirit of humility and homage to God. We shall rejoice if some opportunity occurs for humbling ourselves, acknowledging our littleness—even before creatures—and exalting the grandeurs of the Lord. In this way prayer will not be an isolated item in our day, but will permeate it, by conferring on each action and circumstance the tone of continual prayer.


COLLOQUY


“O Lord, grant that my life may be the continual prayer to which every rational creature is bound. This prayer has its origin in love; it is fire and true desire based on charity, which forces the soul to perform all its acts for love of You. Awaken charity in me, O Lord, so that I may always desire You, and always desiring, continually pray. Let my soul pray always in Your presence—everywhere, at all times, in everything I do, by the affection of charity ” (cf. St. Catherine of Siena).

“O my God, if I were inebriated with love for You, I should seek in all creatures only a means of serving You more diligently and more perfectly; and by renouncing my own will in everything and for everything, I should force myself, in an outburst of love, to do henceforth only what will be more pleasing to You.

“Give me, O Lord, such great fervor and immense love that I shall see no difference between this or that life, this or that state, person, time, or place, but shall do what is most pleasing to You, whatever or wherever it may be, tending always to You by the affection of my soul. Grant that I may see all things in You, and nothing but You in them, ever eager and anxious to serve You in all things; and that, all on fire and burning with love, I may not take into consideration what is easiest and most agreeable for me, but only what is most pleasing to You.

“Grant, O Lord, that I may imitate the angelic spirits who, although they are with us, never interrupt their divine contemplation. May I treat and serve my brethren by seeing and enjoying You in them, and may I always assist my neighbor, offering my heart to You. If I should ever depart from this noble exercise, help me to return to it at once by doing all that is within my power to succeed, so that, with Your divine help, I may always live with my heart centered on You ” (cf. St. Bonaventure).