The Catholic Family Handbook by Rev. George Kelly

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THE CATHOLIC FAMILY HANDBOOK

CHAPTER 16: RELIGIOUS PRACTICES IN YOUR HOME

IN ORDER to provide an environment where your child will grow to love God and the things of God, make your home a little sanctuary--a place where he will be constantly reminded of the Lord, and where family devotions will instill habits of deep and lasting Christian piety. Saint John Chrysostom said that the home should be a "little church," a miniature Kingdom of God in which the father strives to represent the qualities of Christ and the mother seeks to make herself like Blessed Mary.

In your home, try to give your children a deep and abiding sense of the goodness of God and an intimate relationship with Him and His Church. In developing family religious rituals--those which establish patterns of devotion which will continue for the life of your family--try to inculcate moral principles, to develop a sense of family solidarity, and to create a deep and lasting love for the beautiful liturgy of the Church and the sacraments which Christ gave for our redemption. In this way, the religious practices of your home will supplement those of the Church, not supplant them, and thus will help your child to achieve a many-sided development of his religious personality Every Catholic home should contain constant reminders of the fact that we were born to know, love and serve God in this world in order to be happy with Him in the next. Such reminders might include a home shrine--a simple altar consisting of a table with votive candles beneath a crucifix is probably within the means of all. In your living room and bedrooms, you should have at least one symbol of your faith--a statue of the Savior and the Blessed Mother, a crucifix, pictures which bring to mind events in the life of Our Lord. In Catholic countries, it has long been the custom to place a holy water font in the front hall, so that all who enter or leave may bless themselves and ask God's grace; such a custom might well be established in the United States. Another custom, worthy of greater usage, is the establishing of a grotto--a shrine to Jesus or Mary in your yard or garden. By all such means, you and your children help to make your faith an intimate part of your daily lives.

Family prayer. The importance of family prayer was taught by Our Lord himself. For he said: "Where two or three are gathered together in My name, then am I in the midst of them." What a pleasing sight must it be to God, therefore, to see the family unit which He ordained gathered together to worship Him.

The beautiful practice of family prayer has been formally endorsed by the bishops of the United States in a pastoral letter to all American Catholics. As they have stated: "The presence of Jesus will surely be a source of blessing to the home where parents and children unite to offer up prayer in common. The spirit of piety which this custom develops will sanctify the bonds of family love and ward off the dangers which often bring sorrow and shame."

As we learned in childhood, we should pray at least upon arising in the morning and retiring at night, and before and after meals. It is much more beneficial to all members of the family, and especially more inspirational to the children, when everyone habitually says such prayers together. Because of different rising times, it may be difficult for all to pray at the same time in the morning. However, the saying of grace before and after meals should become a family habit. No food should be eaten until grace is said, and no one should leave the table until thanksgiving is offered after the meal.

Many families have developed the admirable habit of saying evening prayers immediately after dinner. Other families set aside a period just before the children's bedtime. Regardless of the hour chosen, the reciting of prayers at a specified time each evening establishes habits which will last throughout the years and will give a sense of kinship in God to all in the family.

An especially worth-while custom is the evening recitation of the Rosary. It was most earnestly advocated by Pope Pius IX, who in his last days said: "Let the Rosary, this simple, beautiful method of prayer, enriched with many indulgences, be habitually recited of an evening in every household. These are my last words to you; the memorial I leave behind me." Every member of the family will have a greater feeling of participation in the Rosary if the leader is rotated each evening or for each decade. One time Father may lead; next, Mother; next, the oldest child; and so on until everyone has had his turn. Then the cycle is repeated. Before each decade, the father might briefly discuss the meaning of the specific mysteries in the lives of Jesus and Mary which the Rosary reminds us of. The children should be taught to meditate on these mysteries so that they do not say the prayers without thinking.

A custom of some homes consists of the nightly reading of the Bible. Prayers are said before and after the reading, and there is a discussion by the father or mother of the particular passages read. Another worth-while custom is the reading of the Gospel and Epistle for the particular Mass of the day.

Family unity in prayer can also be achieved if the family attends Mass together. One of the most inspiring memories which many adults now hold is that of their father, mother, brothers and sisters lined up with them at the altar rail, receiving the flesh and blood of Our Lord as a family unit, and then returning home for a festive breakfast.

Celebrating the great feast days. As a Christian parent, you should emphasize the spiritual importance of the feast days of our religion. Secular influences of our times have done much to destroy the significance of such feasts as Christmas and Easter in the minds of the unthinking. As a result, the great holy days commemorating the major events in the mission of Our Lord have degenerated into meaningless holidays in many places, with their true importance minimized, if not desecrated. You should make a special effort, therefore, to prevent your children from being so perverted by Santa Claus or the Easter bunny that they forget that those feasts celebrate the birth and resurrection of Our Lord.

Children everywhere respond warmly and enthusiastically to the spiritual Christmas--much more so, in fact, than they do to secular aspects of the feast. Even tiny toddlers can grasp the fact that when you set up a little manger in your home, you are symbolically preparing a place where Jesus may come as He did in Bethlehem. Dozens of similar customs can impress the spiritual nature of the occasion upon your youngsters.

One such custom involves the Advent wreath--a hoop of wood or wire covered with evergreens and with holders to which four candles can be attached. The wreath may be used as a centerpiece on your table. On the first Sunday of Advent, call the family together and extinguish all other lights in the house. Let the youngest child light the first candle, while the family joins in prayers in honor of the coming of the Savior. Each evening at dinner during the week, the candle may be lit again. The next Sunday, the next youngest member of the family lights the second candle; the Sunday after that, the third youngest; and on the fourth Sunday, the fourth youngest. Each time, the family recites appropriate prayers and the father stresses that the candles symbolize that Christ is the Light of the World and that His coming on the first Christmas made it unnecessary for men ever to remain in darkness again. On the few days after the fourth Sunday and until Christmas, all four candles are lit at dinnertime. In some homes, the evening meal is eaten without any other illumination. This simple custom, when observed by the family from year to year, establishes a ritual which the children will inaugurate in their own families and thus pass on to new generations.

A beautiful custom from France consists in adding straw to the bed of the Savior. About four weeks before Christmas, set up your manger in your home and leave it without straw. Each evening, before dinner, give pieces of straw to each child in proportion to his good deeds for the day. If he has obeyed promptly and cheerfully, he may place straw in the manger; if he has failed to perform his little duties satisfactorily, the Babe will have a less comfortable bed as a result. Youngsters are moved to acts of heroic virtue to show their love for Jesus in this tangible way; they also learn the invaluable lesson that by their self-sacrifice they may often give comfort to others.

Every Christian country has contributed delightful and inspiring customs which will intensify your children's reverence for Christmas. From Germany comes the custom of the Advent candle. A large candle, representing Jesus, the Light of the World, is placed on the home altar or on a table before a picture of the Infant in His Blessed Mother s arms. It is lit each evening during Advent when family prayers are said. From Ireland comes the practice of lighting three candles in each window on Christmas Eve--the candles representing Jesus, Mary and Joseph--while the front door is left unlocked throughout the night so that the Holy Family may enter and obtain shelter. From Slovakia comes the Christmas supper. A strict fast is observed throughout the day, and in the evening family members come from near and far for an annual reunion. When all are present, the head of the family leads in prayer, during which God's forgiveness is asked for all sins committed during the year, His mercy sought for those who have died, and His blessing invoked for the family in the coming year. From Poland comes the "Oplatek"--a large wafer representing the Christ Child which is divided equally among the family. Before it is eaten, everyone seeks forgiveness for offenses committed during the year and all quarrels are considered finished, and the family vows to greet Christmas in complete peace and harmony.

A custom gaining popularity in America is the telling of the Christmas story. The family gathers on Christmas Eve and the father reads the account of the birth of Our Lord from the New Testament. The family then joins in appropriate carols, like "Silent Night," which display a proper sense of awe and reverence for the mystery of the Incarnation. When such practices become a tradition, they assume the status of a ritual, bind the family more closely together, and are often observed by the children when they themselves become parents.

Similar family customs can honor the great feast of Easter. In preparation for the Lord's Resurrection, the family should participate together in Lenten sacrifices. Before Ash Wednesday, for instance, parents and children might decide what practices all will follow during the Lenten season. You may decide to attend Mass together each morning, to abstain from desserts, to recite extra prayers during the evening holy hour, or to pass up favorite television programs in favor of spiritual reading. In many homes, when parents and children forgo particular luxuries the money they save is donated to the poor.

Some families always attend Church in a body on Ash Wednesday for the imposition of ashes which reminds us that we are dust and will return to dust, and that we should observe the forty days of the Lenten season in contrition and prayer. Many families also serve little pretzels with the evening meal during Lent. The pretzel has a deeply religious origin: Once it was the only food eaten during Lent, and its shape represents a person with arms folded across his chest in the form of prayer used in early Christian times.

Holy Thursday may be commemorated by serving an evening meal similar in some respects to that eaten by Our Lord at His Last Supper. In some homes, unleavened bread--still used by Hebrews in the form of matzos-- is served, to represent the bread which Our Lord blessed when he instituted the Blessed Sacrament. On Good Friday, the home altar may be stripped bare; members of the family may stand throughout the evening meal, eating food prepared with severe plainness. On Holy Saturday, there may be a ritual made of renewing the baptismal vows before the home altar. At this ceremony, all members of the family join in the recitation of prayers of thanksgiving for having received the faith. Also on Holy Saturday, it is part of the liturgy for the priest to bless the Easter water which may be sprinkled on the children and over the Easter dinner which traditionally consists of lamb symbolizing the risen Christ.

On Holy Saturday night, your family might gather for a reading of the Gospels which narrate the suffering, Crucifixion and Resurrection of Our Lord. In this way, your children will be impressed with the overwhelming religious significance of the feast which proves to mankind that Jesus was indeed God and symbolizes our own life after death.

Special observances throughout the year. Every day of the year gives you a special opportunity to instill a greater religious appreciation in your children, to broaden their knowledge of Our Lord, the Blessed Mother and the saints, and to strengthen their dedication to the laws of God and the Church. Each day is set aside by the Church to honor a particular event in the life of Our Lord or the Blessed Virgin, or to honor a particular saint. Consulting your religious calendar and one of the many books recounting the lives of the saints, you can discuss these events with your children, stressing the qualities in the saints' lives which we might cultivate. Typical dates, together with suggestions for spiritual development which they offer, are described below:

First Sunday of January: Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus. On this day, encourage your children to recite the Litany of the Holy Name often. Explain why we must show reverence for Our Lord by bowing our heads whenever we hear His name, and by making prayers of reparation to Him whenever His name is taken in vain.

Second Sunday of January: Feast of the Holy Family. This feast affords an opportunity for the family to receive corporate Communion at Mass, for parents to renew marriage vows, and for both children and adults to resolve to model their lives upon those of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. The Epistle for this day is worthy of extra consideration: "Brethren, put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, a heart of mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, patience. Bear with one another and forgive one another, if anyone has a grievance against any other; even as the Lord has forgiven you, so also do you forgive. But above all these things have charity, which is the bond of perfection. And may the peace of Christ reign in your hearts; unto that peace, indeed, you were called in one body. Show yourselves thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you abundantly; in all wisdom teach and admonish one another by psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing in your hearts to God by His Grace. Whatever you do in word or in work, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Col. 3:12- 17)

January 6: Epiphany of Our Lord. This day commemorates the visit of the wise men to Jesus in the stable and marks the end of the Christmas season. In Europe, bread, eggs and salt are taken to the Church to be blessed. The bread and eggs are donated to the poor, and the salt is retained to remind Christians that we should be "the salt of the earth." In telling your children of the visit of the Magi, you might point out that they traveled from afar and endured great hardship to lay their gifts before the Savior. God allows us to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist without such hardship or sacrifice. Therefore, we should avail ourselves of the opportunity to do so whenever possible.

February 3: Feast of St. Blaise. He was a physician before he became a priest and then a bishop, and he was martyred in the fourth century. He once miraculously cured a boy on the verge of death with a bone stuck in his throat. A special sacramental--the blessing of throats--takes place on this day, and the aid of St. Blaise is asked in delivering the faithful from throat ailments and other evils.

February 14: St. Valentine's Day. St. Valentine was a priest who was put to death in the year 270. From early times, he was the patron saint of young lovers, but the exact reason why he was so designated has been lost in history. Youngsters can ask him to help them maintain a chaste relationship with those they love.

March 19: Feast of St. Joseph. On this day, children might be taught to emulate St. Joseph for his sense of duty which impelled him to take such loving care of the Blessed Mother and the Infant Child. Because St. Joseph was a humble carpenter, he is regarded as the patron saint of workers everywhere; and the fact that his trade was not highly regarded by worldly men should teach us that it is more important to develop the spiritual qualities which he exemplified than to strive for material success.

March 24: Feast of the Annunciation. The story of the Visitation of the Angel Gabriel to Mary never fails to interest children and to give them a sense of reverence for the beautiful gift which God bestowed upon mankind by permitting His Only Begotten Son to come into the world. You can explain how every Jewish maiden hoped that she might be chosen as the mother of the promised redeemer. The words of the Blessed Virgin, when told that she was to be the mother of Jesus, carry a moral in themselves. Her reply, "Be it done according to Thy word," teaches us that we must always be ready to do the will of God.

May: Month of Mary. During May, encourage your children to show special devotion to the Blessed Mother. Daily recitation of the Rosary is one way of doing so; keeping fresh flowers before the painting of the Mother and Child in your home may be another. The Litany to the Blessed Virgin may be recited in addition. Instruct your children about the many benefits which can be derived from a wholesome devotion to Our Lady.

June 24: Feast of St. John the Baptist. Modern Catholics lack the sense of devotion to this saint that was evidenced in earlier times. So great was the regard for the son of Elizabeth who baptized Our Lord that priests were once permitted to celebrate three Masses on his feast day- -a privilege they had at no other time except Christmas. The story of the life of this saint interests children, from his birth to his beheading at the request of Salome.

June 25: Feast of Saints Peter and Paul. In many parts of the world, this is a Holy Day of Obligation. You might tell your children that St. Peter was designated by Our Lord to lead His flock, and that St. Peter's authority extends to the present Pope in an unbroken line. The Apostle Paul, a convert to Christianity, reminds us of the billions of souls who remain ignorant of Christ and who must be brought into the fold so that there will be one fold and one shepherd.

July 25: Feast of St. Christopher. If you carry a medal of St. Christopher in your car--as millions do--your children will be especially interested in his life. According to legend, he carried a child on his shoulders across a treacherous river one day, and in midstream almost collapsed under the weight. Only when he reached the other shore did he realize that he had carried the Savior upon his back. St. Christopher is widely venerated as the patron of travelers. In some places cars are blessed on his feast day.

September 29: Feast of St. Michael the Archangel. He has a special appeal for young people, for he represents the strength, courage and idealism they admire in their heroes. It was St. Michael who drove Lucifer's bad angels out of heaven when they turned against God.

October 2: Feast of the Guardian Angels. This day has a personal appeal for your child. You can remind him that he has an angelic protector to whom he can turn for aid in time of danger.

November 1: Feast of All Saints. We commemorate the countless martyrs and others who cannot be honored individually because there are not enough days in the year to do so. It is an excellent occasion to discuss the possibility that all of us may achieve sainthood. Some children believe that saints lived only in ancient times; you might point out that many thousands of persons are leading lives of sanctity at this present day.

November 2: All Souls Day. In some countries, family members attend Mass together to pray for their departed ones and perform other acts of devotion in their memory throughout the day. A point sometimes overlooked in teaching young people is that while we can do much by our prayers and good work to ease the suffering of the souls in Purgatory, our loved ones in heaven can also intercede before the throne of God.

December 26: Feast of St. Stephan. The story of St. Stephen--the first martyr--teaches us amidst the joyous Christmas season that we must always be ready to make any sacrifices that the Lord requires. St. Stephen was stoned to death for his beliefs--a reminder that we may suffer ridicule, scorn, and possibly punishment and death for adhering to the teachings of Jesus.

Your child's "special days." One of the best ways to develop active and joyous participation in your family's spiritual life is to observe feasts which have a special meaning for each child. When you do so, you accentuate the religious sense of the particular youngster involved.

For example, in addition to observing your child's birthday, why not observe the anniversary of his baptism to celebrate the day when he became a member of the faith? Some families mark this event by serving special food in the child's honor and giving him little gifts as tokens of love. Sometimes his godparents are invited to the dinner to emphasize their importance for his spiritual welfare.

In Europe, a special ceremony often is built up around the baptismal candle which the parents provide for the christening service and bring home afterward. Each year, on his baptismal day, the child lights the candle on the home altar and renews his baptismal vows in the presence of the family.

Another important observance to a child is the celebration of the feast day of the saint after whom he has been named. In some homes, all members of the family attend Mass and receive Communion on a "name day." The child chooses the food for the main meal that day, and during the evening the father reads a short account of the saint's life. By calling your child's attention to his namesake in this way, you encourage him-to regard his patron as a friend upon whom he can rely for assistance before the throne of God.

Your child's First Communion day should also be a special occasion--one which will impress him with the great spiritual step he takes when he can receive Christ in the Holy Eucharist for the first time. In many places, Mother and Father receive Communion with their child, and celebrate in a special way afterward. In some families, presents are given to First Communicants; these should be of a spiritual nature-- perhaps a crucifix or holy picture for the child's room--rather than one lacking spiritual significance.

His Confirmation day should also be one which your child will remember reverentially and gratefully. Both parents should attend Mass and receive Communion, if possible, and attend the Confirmation ceremony itself. Presents given the child should be of a religious nature. In some homes, special prayers of thanksgiving are said by the newly confirmed youngster before the evening meal, which usually features the food he especially likes.

Articles for the sickroom. Your home should have in readiness the furnishings which a priest will use if he visits it when one is ill. These articles should consist of the following: a table covered with a white cloth; a crucifix with lighted, blessed candles on each side; a glass of water with a spoon and clean napkins by its side; a small bell to summon the family to the room after the patient's confession. If anointing with Holy Oil is to occur, a small supply of cotton should also be on hand for the use of the priest, together with a dish in which a spoonful of salt or a small slice of lemon and some bread crumbs will be placed.

As soon as your children can understand (probably at about age seven) they should be taught that if a person falls ill and appears to be in serious danger, a priest should be called without delay, regardless of the hour. Parents should also remember to advise the priest in case of an illness which may become serious and endanger life; he will call upon the sick person and provide the necessary spiritual attention. Since every Catholic should confess and receive the Holy Eucharist before entering a hospital for surgery, make sure that the priest is given ample time to visit the patient at home.

When he arrives to hear a confession or administer the last rites, he should be met at the door by a male member of the family if possible. The man or boy, carrying a lighted candle, then leads the way to the sickroom. If confession is to be heard, everyone but the patient and priest should leave the chamber. They will be called back by the ringing of the bell. They should kneel reverently when the Blessed Sacrament or Extreme Unction is administered or prayers for the sick and dying are recited.